Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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