i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
