The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
