theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
