people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
