and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
