I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
