Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
