piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was born a porn star she said
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
