We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
