Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
