i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's shark week go big or go home
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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