3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
