just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
