A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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