My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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