this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
