i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
