I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
