Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
