Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
