I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
