Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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