Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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