I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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