Christians are straight up FREAKS
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
