WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
