i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
