You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
