I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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