Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
