She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
