i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
