O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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