this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
