Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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