You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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