im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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