Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
