I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
