gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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