she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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