He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
