Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
