Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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