And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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