Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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