i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
