Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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