if you like me you must not know who I am
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
